#1

I'm really stupid sometimes. I get riotously upset for about an hour and then I'm okay. I guess I feel insecure sometimes in my relationship with P., that I'm being too clingy. It's hard to tell, and I think asking him if I am would definitely be a clingy thing to do.

I'm trying to figure out what other people who are lonely and in long-distance relationships do. I think a lot of them just cry a lot. I know M.'s mom just watches a lot of TV and is depressed for about half the year while David is gone. I don't want to do that though.

I'm trying to think about the things I used to like to do, back when I was in high school and kind of anti-social anyway. I could finish that blasted scarf I was supposed to make for LAST Christmas for my poor mom. I could...work on my stamp collection, haha. Or read, or watch movies. I wish I had some art supplies but art usually depresses me anyway because without a class I don't have the discipline to follow through and make something good. So, scratch art. I *really* wish I had a pet, especially since I'm going to be living totally alone in a few months, but I can't...maybe I could get a fish.

I don't know what else to write. I know I'm being stupid so it's hard not to be self-conscious, but it's also hard to feel happy when I'm at a new school, all of my friends/friends are at least an hour's drive away, I hate the people I live with, and my boyfriend lives across the country. And most of this is my fault, because I changed schools.

I'll get nowhere by being negative. Things I can be thankful for:

-Thanksgiving is coming up
-After that I'm going to visit P. for a whole week, then Christmas
-I won't have to live with these people much longer
-I'm healthy
-I have lots of people who love me even if they're not here right now