Rough Night

Went through another night of Hell. I gotta say, there's something much worse about Fridays than Saturdays. Maybe it's situational; other people do more fun things on Saturdays than Fridays, making me feel worse. Or maybe it's because I used up all my ideas in entertaining myself Friday, because none of things sounded fun a second time in a row. I need to come up with more things I like to do. And I think I just need to head home, or to Aaron's or Megan's, when I can tell things are going to be this bad again. I don't think I could do many more nights like lat night.

Coping mechanisms last night included buying Machinarium ($20, but is super awesome and I'm able to let P. and my sister play it for free), crying A LOT, spending time on google typing in things like "lonely and bored" or "alone on a Saturday night" trying to find articles and forums, listening to the soundtrack of Machinarium in the dark. I woke up again about three hours later and felt just as shitty as I had before I fell asleep, so I did some homework. It's freaking creepy to be up alone 3-4 am when there's no one online, my roommate has finally come home but she's asleep, and there's literally no where you could go to get out because everything is closed. Luckily physics was boring enough to allow me to get another 3 hours of sleep or so.

Oh, I forgot that another thing I did (that let me get to sleep in peace the first time) was to sign up for a bunch of things: the cycling club, ecology club, the local amateur astronomers and the decision that I would finally turn in my animal shelter application tomorrow (now today). I need to be so busy I can't think about how much I miss P., or how I wish I was at a party or something. And maybe I'll even meet some people; but even if I don't, I should have a good time just interacting in those events and clubs.

At least I know P. misses me too. He sent me a bunch of texts the other night that were so maudlin, poor thing, I think he'd been drinking a little too much. I felt bad, and it makes me want to tell him what I'm going through (which I have, a little bit) but I think it's important that we don't associate our relationship with creating unhappiness. It might be something we need to talk about, about how to deal with the loneliness we both feel. At least I'll see him again in three weeks.